When I thought my waking up Covered in sweat Was a just and righteous punishment For the crime of desiring you My week's long physical detox Apparently working (but still, I mostly failed) Night after night It continued And so did the war And so did the nightmares And so did the visions Of rape and blood and bodies Of terrible, vicious men
Something so sweet in your voice Kept arriving just in time Buoyed me on that fluid lake Each time I woke But sweat again and again Soaked through Touching the cold, hard wall Accepting the cold, hard fact That it could have meant nothing to you
Love is a verb, after all
When my recurring burden absented itself I realized These were not the sweats of detox But sporadic heat of a dying flame Ushering in the end of my ability To create life on earth Though I had never desired it A sadness descended At the finality of it all The war continues The body count rises But I, I will no longer be able to assist In the recreation of man The blood spilled cannot be replaced By the expulsion from this womb That desperately attempted its final Consummation On that blue super moon
Now here I am Undone War, death, heartache And all those apocalyptic things Your absence My useless longing All endings All over
And not that it matters now As it's far, far too late With the world ending and all But you really should know That it wasn't for lack of trying That this October detox Failed so utterly
