I chug water like booze As if the muscle memory alone Could provide some relief The pain getting drowned Without the hangover The regret The shame of failure Somewhere the phantom spirits Numb this shredded heart Take the edge off the knowledge That you'll never love me How could I forget That men hate all I am Bumbling queer fool The can-never-quite-be "woman" The failure-wife The "what is THAT?" beast of cis nightmares So buy me a vapor tequila A fog shot of rum A whiskey of pure smoke Let me mix them all down Deep into my gut Until it releases my mind From this tormented self loathing Until it blinds me Until I can no longer see Your face